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by Douglas Preston
Just seeing her car in the parking lot sends shivers down your spine. The sound of his voice and that icy glare makes you want to turn and run screaming. She’s rude. He’s unapproachable. She flies off the handle easily. He ignores your requests for supplies and equipment repairs. She plays favorites with the worst employees. All he cares about is money. These are just a few of the traits of the person we sometimes call The Manager from Hell, and who just might be in charge of the spa you work in. They’re everywhere, too; in resort spas and beauty salons, at medispas and day spas. And they just might even be, heaven forbid, YOU! And since the ineffective or destructive manager isn’t going to disappear anytime soon (meaning: ever) it would benefit the career spa professional to learn a few tricks in snake handling—even the deadly cobra can be lulled into a relatively docile state when you know what pleases them.
 A little background: I was a great boss. I was also a lousy boss. Being a man of curiously shifting moods I could range from being Mr. Rogers to the Abominable Snowman, all within the course of a single spa day. In the morning the second no-show might be met with resigned understanding while, by the afternoon, a late running massage therapist could make me flippantly incredulous. “How on EARTH could she be behind again!!!” My smoldering burn didn’t appear as overt anger but, more ominously, as The Look™?. And oh what a look it was! A look you could feel to your marrow, a grave, dour face that could cause more pain than an insult or a reprimand. It was The Look™?, and it was frightening and effective, usually in causing even more reasons to wear it. I was the ultimate sweet/sour manager, which, in terms of employee morale and productivity, is a very poor manager. Sure, I had my reasons for those mood swings: the fat looming payroll and the anorexic bank account, the employee who quit without notice, the broken water main that shut the spa for hours on a busy day—this times the 7000 or so working days of my career as a spa owner. But, what’s that got to do with being a dreadful manager? As far as excuses go, not very much. It’s a manager’s duty to inspire and lead with fairness and consistency every time he or she steps into that role. If unable to do that, then it is their obligation to get help or resign the post, period. Trouble is, the owner/manager can also be the most clueless, difficult-to-change and impossible-to-fire person in the company. And I too have worked for this person in the past.
Are bad bosses born bad, bred bad, or just are behaving badly? For those of you that still have enough patience and faith in humankind to try and survive in the midst of a stormy personality, maybe these tips will help keep your tent upright during the worst of those unpleasant episodes.
Begin with an honest personal inventory: am I part of the problem?
Do you frequently arrive late for work or run late on appointments? Are you frequently ill or do you have a history of calling in sick at the last-minute? Are you moody, hypersensitive, or uncooperative? No? Good, because unless we’re cognizant of and correct those problems in ourselves, we can’t help improve the behavior of others that are merely reacting to the problems we bring them,. But, now that you’re sure that you have a squeaky clean citizenship record you can begin to plan some subtle and positive manipulation of the source of your managerial misery.
Bosses are people, too!
 Position shields no one from the facts of life. Spa managers are subject to the full range of life events and emotions as everyone else: dead battery, sick child, cheating boyfriend, conflict with family or friends; it’s all there for them to deal with in the course of working as an example to and leader of others. Some days are better than others, and closely affected are vital things such as mood, patience, and judgment. Toss in the occasional hormonal swing and you can understand what a challenge emotional consistency can be for the spa manager (or you!) And while you, the berated and oppressed employee may take offense to these working conditions, their presence may have less to do with you personally than it feels like it does.
Try a little tenderness.
Okay, grit your teeth and imagine yourself asking the boss how her day is going and if there is anything that you can do to help her out today. Yes, I know this feels like the equivalent of eating a liver candy bar but with a little practice you’ll get used to the taste and come to appreciate the rewards. There is a maxim that says it’s hard to dislike someone who likes you. The beleaguered boss probably sees his or her employees as adversaries or, at least, potential points of irritation or unpleasant work considering the resignations, scheduling complaints and customer service headaches they face. The last thing this surly boss believes is that an employee actually cares about how he or she feels freighted with so much responsibility. But conscious creatures always associate emotions with experiences and things, so why not paste your image on the positive side of the boss’s reaction scale? Small words of concern, appreciation, or empathy go a long way in building management/employee rapport, and it costs nothing. Try it, just once even, but be sincere in your gesture.
Unexpected tokens of appreciation are a boss’s gold standard
In all the years as a spa manager I never received a card on Boss’s Day (didn’t know there was such a thing, did you?) and I had done many, many generous things for my employees. We recognized birthdays, employee anniversaries, special achievements, etc., but I didn’t get a card of appreciation on that one designated day. Not that my employees were ungrateful—they weren’t, the majority of them, anyway. But this one hoped-for gesture never came and, somehow, it hurt. Had that card arrived I may have broken every rule in the book for the sender if asked to. A plate of home baked cookies (no arsenic seasoning, please), a thoughtful compliment, even a sudden statement as to why you love working for the spa and person that you do may buy you a remarkable amount of preferential treatment or personal peace. When I was interning at juvenile correctional facility I had a supervisor that made my life a daily hell. She assigned me the worst jobs, put me into risky situations with towering wards in criminal moods, and gave me awful work schedules. The more I resented her the more she heaped on the torment. It was almost impossible for me to continue working there. But, I realized that while this woman was lampooned for her garish hair, makeup and clothing (think Barnum and Bailey School of Fashion) her appearance was extremely important to her, misguided as she was. So, I began to notice her efforts more and, slowly, irregularly so as not to be caught at the game, began to compliment the details of her look. “You know, Rose, you must buy the most expensive earrings because I always notice how cool they are!” Then, it was off to do my work. Before long I was receiving noticeably better shifts and fewer grunt tasks. After all, the further away I was, the less I could pay attention to her. Sincerity? You know, the earrings weren’t all that bad!
Solve a known problem, proactively.
Heard your boss repeatedly lamenting some thing that never seems to get done often enough? Let him see you dusting the retail shelves without being asked, or volunteering to cover a shift for someone as soon as the problem arises. One of my favorites was to ask my manager if there was a retail product that was overstocked or had been a slow seller. I’d make it a game to sell down or out of those items and then alert my boss when the job was done, winning some great brownie points and extra sales commission as well.
If all else fails, pack up and move on.
There is no honor in tolerating an unsolvable working situation, particularly if your self-respect and confidence is suffering under its weight. A bad boss may be a permanent fixture in the business you work for and, when this is the case, it may be better to chalk it up to learning and shop for a better environment. The next time you interview you may want to spend more time inquiring about the management style at their spa, and even ask to interview an employee or two. A salon employee recently told me that she was invited back to a second interview with a group of employees, who sat her down and warned her, “Don’t even think of working here, the owner’s a major…..!” Great bosses, like great friends are out there. Look carefully, choose your jobs wisely, and don’t pass up the right to be happy!
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